Originally published July 18, 2024
Most days, it can seem like the ties holding the Jewish people together are weak and fraying. Whether we are divided by debates that get at the core of our understanding of what it means to be a Jewish community – whose Jewish status counts, how should Jews living in Diaspora relate to the State of Israel, or the place of LGBTQ+ Jews in Jewish life – or less fraught disagreements, like whether New York or Montreal have the correct bagel recipe (once a New Yorker, always a New Yorker, I’m afraid) – sometimes it seems like we have more disagreements than commonalities among Am Yisrael.
However, this past weekend, there was a brief moment of Jewish unity, from an unexpected source. As the news spread of Dr. Ruth Westheimer’s death at 96, it seemed like memories, selfies, and accolades were coming from every corner of the Jewish world. Jewish leaders of every denominational stripe posted with their admiration and respect for a German-Jewish refugee, a survivor of the Shoah, a fighter in the Haganah (Israel’s pre-State underground army), and eventually, a famous sex therapist who exemplified Jewish values. Her granddaughter, delivering a eulogy at the funeral earlier this week, said, “I cannot count how many times I have been out with my Omi where a middle-aged man stopped her to tell her that her compassion, decency and kindness during the AIDS epidemic saved his life.” Dr. Ruth’s approach to sexuality went beyond the necessity of safe sex (although that certainly saved the lives of countless people during the AIDS epidemic), but included finding joy in human sexuality – a joy that she learned from Judaism, a Judaism that has no place for asceticism, but instead a healthy appreciation for intimacy and partnership.
So yes – while there is much to divide us, still, a 96 year old sex therapist, for a brief moment, brought the Jewish people together in remembrance. Ultimately, what brings us together are relationships, our desire to be seen as our full selves by the people we love, the people with whom we build community.
May Dr. Ruth’s memory be for a blessing.
Rabbi Miriam Farber Wajnberg
